hello, I suppose I should tell you all how I am really feeling and rotarians most of my feeling come from the fact that the only people I have been able to talk to with out feeling hesitant has been my family and still sometimes I feel hesitant. I am the kind of person who is very closed in and having someone who I shared my tru feelings with is very difficult. I mean even my parents had trouble making me tell them what I really felt because I wouldn't let them in. So coming to a different country and having being told that I have to open up straigh off to a stranger who I have only talked to once or twice and who I only met when I arrived here is very difficult for me. I have problems even talking to my host mum about what I feel. So yesterday when I called my councellor because I wasn't feeling to well, he told me that I shouldn't call my parents because what can they do? They are on the other side of the world, can they even do anything? The answer that I gave him kept him silent for a few seconds and then he said it would have work too well if I was seeing him right?
My answer to his question was that they could reassure me because you may think it is useless to do such thing but you will be amazed at how much that thing helped me. On wednesday was worst for me because I had felt so lonely so I called my Dad. I know, I should have called my councellor but what could he have done? He would have said the words that would not help at all which would "homesickness is normal" or "Knowing the language will make you feel more comfortable" and quite frankly that was not what I needed. What i needed wassome simple advice from my dad on what do with my homesickness because I knew that by now he would have come up with an idea on how to slow down the feeling or controll it better. I also needed to hear his voice as much as any 16 year old girl in another country would want to. I also knew my dad wouldn't go bragging to the club or to my councerllor or to my host mum that I wasn't feeling too and quite frankly that was the feeling that gave me when I thought about talking to hannes (apart from the fact that we had only known each other for six weeks).
Okay so I will tell you how I felt on wednesday. My host mum was at a party, my host sister was out celebrating her final school presentation so I was alone with my host brother who was only on the computer. All he ever does is be on the computer. Hence I felt like I was the only at home. I could go outside because it was dark and very cold or else I would have. So the lonelyness build up and I started to cry. I cried and cried and cried. I could not stop crying. So I decided to wait and call my dad. I didn't think twice about it I just wanted to call him. When he answered, we talked I cried for like five seconds before he made a funny inside joke that made me laugh. Then he told me some good Ideas on what I could do to keep control of my homesickness. It helped. By the end of the call I was so much better. For once the crying had stopped and I had several ideas on what I could do to get control of my homesickness.
And I really only called my councerllor because I was invited to a party but I could go so I had nothing to do and my homesickness decided to start playing me again so I needed to get out of the house that was the perfect chance. so now you have a detailed recount on why I would call my parents first if it has to do with my true feelings. Other issues I can easily tell my host mum and councellor so chill OK?
with love but not much
gaby
